Fix Communication Issues With EFT Couples Therapy


Intimate relationships are rewarding and enrich our lives in unique ways. But they are also difficult at times, showing us sides of ourselves that need work. Many couples feel like relationships should be easy but no matter how healthy your relationship is, communication can still be a challenge.

Even if you feel like you’re a strong communicator, the dynamics of intimacy and the baggage from previous relationships can get in the way and create negative patterns. Nowadays, there are many styles of therapy available for couples but if your relationship is starting to feel stuck, and the arguments are unresolved, you might want to check out a Scottsdale EFT couples therapist.

What is EFT?

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) takes a look at a couple’s current communication patterns and attachment styles to approach conflict in new ways. Instead of reverting to old patterns of thought for example, “this is the same fight every time,” or “here we go again,” an EFT therapist will help identify unresolved traumas, insecurities or communication patterns that are contributing to unhealthy and negative cycles.

From this point, a therapist can help recenter the argument on the underlying issues (fears, unmet needs, etc) and restructure communication to foster those issues, support vulnerability and increase intimacy. The result is a healthier, more trusting and secure relationship.

Communication Styles

Communication styles begin to develop when we are very young and are influenced by our parents and siblings. If you’re lucky enough to find a partner with similar family dynamics, the communication patterns will be more alike. On the other hand, if you find a partner who has a family dynamic that’s opposite of you, the patterns we learned as children which are deeply rooted in us, can begin to cause obstacles.

These patterns can be further complicated by toxic adult relationships and often go unchecked due to their subconscious nature. If your relationship is starting to get stuck in the negative cycles don’t stress, it’s totally normal. Finding an Emotionally Focused therapist near you can help.

Attachment Styles

Attachment styles also influence our connection with others and the degree to which we feel safe in relationships. Unlike communication patterns, finding someone with a similar attachment style is not always beneficial. Attachment styles have a different range (ex. not aggressive vs assertive) but fall on a spectrum of healthy versus unhealthy. It’s important to remember that nothing is a death sentence in a relationship. With commitment and a little work, even deep rooted or unconscious patterns can evolve.

The right relationship is the one in which both people are willing to grow together and commit to working on issues. This is especially possible with a trained couples counselor who can help you refocus and navigate obstacles in a healthier way.